so I have been away from blogger for about a week now. most of that is due to the fact that my children tried to eat my computer (ok not the whole thing just the power cable, and not really eat just destroy) but all is better on that front. the van was sick again. it is better also. tomorrow there is a girls party, but I don't know that I will make it (sorry girls) mom is coming into town at some point, and there are a couple other things that have come up. tim also has to work. and I don't know that I am up for much partying.... I haven't felt all that great all week. not sure if it is a physical thing or a mental thing (or a combonation of the 2) I have read alot this week. some really good stuff and some not so good stuff. I have also watched a ton of tv. I think I watched more tv this week than I have in the past year combined. Thursday night I watched 5 hours of tv. I can still feel my mind rotting from it.

last night we talked about Luke 13:10-17....
I'm still thinking about it. it might consume me for a while. some more thoughts that came after re-reading the story today......
Jesus can only heal someone who lets him heal them.... they may not be looking for it, but they need to be willing. I think that is alot of my problem. I want to be the one that heals myself.
The woman wasn't looking to be healed, she wasn't expecting to be healed. She knew the laws about the Sabbath. but Jesus saw her, and healed her. Maybe healing doesn't always come from where we think it should. and this woman had lived like this for 18 years. she had learned to deal with her problem. she had learned how to live in spite of her problems. maybe that is where I need to start. maybe I need to learn how to live in spite of my faults, and problems.....
the other thing is that this lady was visible, her problems were visible. Jesus saw her. that is tough. making my issues visible. that seems way to hazardous to me. the whole rejection thing comes into play...
oh another thought on this.... I bet the lady didn't wake up that morning thinking she was going to be healed. she went to the synagogue because she was jewish and that is what she did. I think alot of times I go to church expecting something to happen, expecting to be healed, even if it is tiny bit of healing that I am expecting. alot of times I probably miss so much of what is going on because I am too busy saying "Ok God I'm here at church now fix this or that".


so... yeah... those are my thoughts. that is where I am.

I feel the need to blog something of substance, unfortunatly there isn't alot of that going on in my life right now.... I did get a new cell phone (finally) so if you feel the need to have the # and don't email me and I will get it to you (if I deem you worthy)
other than that, life has been uneventful. I am in the process of thinking about something... (yeah that was really descriptive) I don't think anything will come out of it for a while, but it is really where I want to go with life. time will tell I suppose. I just wish I knew for sure that it was what I was supposed to be spending any and all my time on. right now I feel kind of stuck, and disconnected. I don't know. lots of thinking going on, but doesn't seem like there is much doing....

oh... go here and do this, then make your own...

it has been a long week. lots of random crappy-ness, and I don't feel very well. I don't know... some of the crappy things seem almost funny now. but it has been a whole week of bad days, ones where I wish I would have just stayed in bed. the fact that it is saturday only eases the pain a bit. knowing that the week is almost over, and maybe next week will be slightly better. but knowing that he doesn't have a day off til friday doesn't make it all that great. I want time alone. not time alone with the little ppl. I do love them, but I want to be alone. to read in peace and quiet. to see my friends without having to worry about them being decent. ugh... I need to do things...