Monday, March 28, 2005
-He wasn't just her trainer, he was her savior, even to the point of freeing her into death.....
-She was me, she was you, she was us.... the normal everyday ppl with a dream. she fought hard, she gave her all, and in the end she got unfairly blindsided, and her dream was over just as quickly as it started... If we listen, and give our all, we too will live the lives we were intended to live, but it could always end with one harsh blow to the head when we aren't looking, we aren't promised anything more
-the priest was busy, to preoccupied with being holy and religious to see ppl. He believed what he wanted to believe. more times than not the church is to busy being holy to notice the ppl begging for answers right outside our doors.....
-her boxing name given to her by the trainer was beautiful, she truly was his darling. they became family to each other. she was his joy, his life, his accomplishment. We are the Darlings of Christ when we become all he knows we can be.
- his daughter was a mystery. she refused contact with him. maybe I missed it, but I don't remember hearing why this was. He tried to reach out to her, writing every day, but never with any response. Is this how God feels when he is trying to get our attention, but we are just too busy to hear or care what He is doing?
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Today was Easter, and I decided to be all sacrilegious and not go to church. Really I overslept and so I didn't go, but that is okay as I wasn't going to my church, and I ended up have a great family day here at the house. We did read the crucifixion and resurrection story from the Bible, and it wasn't like we treated it just like any other day, we just didn't go to church.... I think this is the first year in my whole life I haven't gone to church and just been busy doing all things religious on Easter. It was really nice, and I had time to think about Easter, and not just "play" Easter....I think that so much of the time we get caught up in doing the "church" thing or at least trying to be religious, that we forget WHY we do things. This year was a nice break from religion....
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
look it is a GOOD pic of me! thanks to my big sis!
so finally I have a pic that I acctually like! I think it is a miricale.... not that other pics of me are bad, just not as good as I wish they were... The funny thing about this pic is that my sister took it on Sunday and it was supposed to turn out crappy. we planned it that way but instead it was good, maybe I should plan for more picks to turn out bad. hmmmmmm just a thought
Saturday, March 19, 2005
I should keep in touch with ppl better...
I should be more encouraging....
I should eat more regularly....
I should be more honest....
I should work on the book....
I should read more....
I should be less apathetic...
I should get my sewing machine back....
I should be more diligent...
I should be nicer...
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Monday, March 14, 2005
Luckily, God said to stop trying to measure up and instead start trying to relate, to God and to each other.
I think that is what is all boils down to.... Relating.... We already know we are NEVER going to be perfect, so we shouldn't spend so much time worrying about not being perfect.... we need to instead spend time trying to understand and encourage each other, and then we might find that we learn to understand God better in the process...
Part of what went on in the New Testament church was confession... but they didn't confess their sins so that they could be looked down upon or shunned by those that were better than them.... they confessed their sins to each other so they could hole each other accountable and encourage each other.... so they could relate to each other....
Sadly we have, for the most part, lost that art. The art of confession and the art of relating have become things that are seldom practiced in the church today.... we are too worried about beating ppl up with the Bible, and how we interpret what God has to say, to even begin to think that we can relate to each others problems.... and we are too afraid to confess out sins because we don't want to be rejected by those we consider closest to us.... we don't want to be thought of as bad ppl.... so we stay stuck in our runt of not confessing and not relating.... something needs to change.... something HAS to change.... ppl think Christians are hypocrites because for the most part we ARE! we talk so lavishly about having a loving relationship with God, but we REFUSE to have loving relationships with each other......
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Peice of Glass
Can't believe I did it again
wake me up from this nightmare
Cuz this monsters filling me up
filling me out
and everyday I live a bit less
one night leads to another.
Even if I went back they wouldn't recognize me
Who are you that cries
when you stare in my face
Telling me that I'm just a trace of the person I once was
Cause I can't tell if your telling the truth or a lie
on you I just can't rely
after all you're just a peice of glass
Still this nightmare's all mine
When I call Him He answers
I can tell him when to com
when to stay
but sometimes I'm weaker than he is.
Is he just letting me win?
He can tell me when to com
when to stay.
Who are you that cries
when you stare in my face
telling me that I' m just a trace of the person I once was
cuz I just can't tell if you're telling the truth or a lie
on you I just can't rely
After all your just a peice of glass.
Stay with me just for a while
until the sun shines stay with me
just give me one more day.
Who are you that lies
when you stare in my face
Telling me that I'm just a trace of the person you once knew
Cause we're not the same
you're just a piture of me
You're gone as soon as I leave
You've lived my life for me
and you're no more than just a peice of glass....
Friday, March 11, 2005
Thursday, March 10, 2005
oh and thanks for getting me stared again, you mystirous friend.... I am always much happier when I write.... so thank you.... :)
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Let me start my saying that most days I love being a mom and I love being able to stay home with my adorable little girls, but there are the occasional days that I dream about doing other things…. Getting out and being someone else… that is what this is about….
Being a mom is tough work…. I should know because that has been my primary occupation for the past 4 plus years….you don’t get sick days, or vacations… you have to be there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year… when you do happen to go away you can’t help but feel guilty about leaving, and in the back of your mind you know when you get home you will have to work twice as hard to get life back to the way it was before you left… Unless you die you work… now I know there are a lot of ppl that think being a mom isn’t work at all, you just play all day long and then you go to sleep only to wake up the next morning to do it all again… YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW WRONG YOU ARE!!! Mom’s are not only the caregivers for the children at home the are also the disciplinarians during the day, the cook, the maid, the story teller, the chauffer, the all purpose what ever you need lady…. And when you aren’t doing one of those things you are thinking about doing those things…. No matter how sick or tired or stressed out you may be by the rest of life you have to go on because if you don’t, if won’t get done… if it doesn’t get done, then someone calls child protective services on you and your precious little ones are given to someone more competent than you…. This is way more stressful than being the CEO of a company, you can always get a new job, but you can’t always get back your little ones…. And one of the worst things is there is very rarely a thank you or anything…. At least in your everyday stressful job you get a compensation at the end of the week, not to mention a day off. But here as a mom you get nothing… you get none of the respect of someone that has gone to school, gotten a degree, and nice day job. You get none of the perks that go with leaving your work at work and your home at home. But occasionally you get a slobbery kiss or a hug from little arm… it almost makes up for all the rest…
Friday night we met up at the church to leave.... there where 8 kids and 3 adults mydelf being the only female..... I rode with L because I didn't know him and everyone else did... the first thing he says to me as we start the hour drive to the retreat place is "Do you know what you are getting into?" now at this point I thought I knew at least a couple of the kids pretty well, but what was to come I could have never expected.... L and I chatted for the next hour about the kids, life, and pretty much all the things that should be chatted about when you meet someone and 5 mins later get in the car with them.... we arrive at CH.... all the kids are still in one peice and we retrive out lugage from the van got settled and M and I left to get pizza.... upon arriving back the fun began... it was really all girls wanting to be the center of attnetion, but it sucked because they made the rest of the weekend HARD.... there was ODing on meds for depression and anxiety, there was running off into the woods, and there was just in general insanity all weekend long.... I didn't sleep at all and I had to take finals monday morning.... Sunday morning Finally came and we loaded up in the van and went home.... so sunday night I finally got to go home and sleep a bit... Monday morning came... I took my first final and then went to sit in the courtyard.... I wanted to have it out with God... Why did He make me go on this aweful trip? why didn't He do great things while we were there? so I sat there going over the weekend in my head trying to find something, anything that was remotly positive about the weekend.... and nothing came to mind. So right then and there I vowed to NEVER do anything with these kids again... by the end of the day I somehow understood what God did this weekend and that I would never not work with these kids.... I got home and had 3 calls from teens that were on that trip... the rest is history, but that is the trip where I found my passion, however hard it may be, this is what God made me to do....
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Friday, March 04, 2005
And then there are ppl that are rude just for the sake of being rude.... what's up with that? you really shouldn't go around stomping on ppl just because you can...
yes i a refering to specific incidents here.... don't worry it probably wasn't something YOU did and if it is when I see you again you will know for sure.... there just seems to have been an outpouring of rude lately (and it wasn't even the I love you and I am just picking on you kinda rude that we all like from time to time), and really it wasn't even directed in my general direction, but it was still rude none the less.... I know I have let one of the offending parties know how I feel, and I am considering ways to let the other know how I feel.... It is just really annoying ...
Ignorance is NOT bliss!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 03, 2005
in other news, I feel like crap.... not really sick crap, but I have had a fever all week and I am tired... so it is kinds wearing me down....and tim asked if I got a phone call today... I did get a phone call or 2 today but nothing out of the ordinary that would make me wonder why in the world is this person calling me... he wouldn't tell me who it was that was supposed to call so now I have to wait til he gets home to find out.... hmmmmm..... and I finally got tim's tire patched so he will not have to put air in it every morning now... :) other than that I took a nap and did nothing.... just trying to rest for this weekends festivities...
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
I had an awful dream last night... basically he left and took the girls with him... then I killed myself... would this ever happen in real life.... who knows.... it makes me sad though....