IT....

*the it I am refering to in this post is very sepific, but I am not going to name it. some of you may know what it is but most of you don't and won't. if you would like to speculate you may, but don't do it in my comments please because I am not going to say what it is....

I've thought alot about it lately. Just thinking about doing it again makes me want to do it. I know that I have so little to gain from it, but there was a time when it was my life, and I have missed that time alot lately. things have just sucked pretty much. don't get me wrong, every second of every day hasn't sucked, but the over all feeling at the end of the day is one of major suckiness. so it has been on my mind alot lately. good thing I have at least a small amount of will power... I feel really alone right now. work has consumed him. and the boys aren't here. something about a tire falling off of corey's car... didn't seem much like anyone else wanted to hang out, so I just came home. now would be a good time to do it. I'm bored and feel alone and somewhat unloved. doing it would be nice, but it would cause lots of problems.... blah...