Tuesday, July 05, 2005

today has sucked. I can't work and be a good mom. there is just no way. but then when I don't work ppl say I am lazy. I would like to see you do it. I would like to see you take care of 2 small kids, and run an entire house. I would also like to see you do what I am doing now. Take care of 2 kids, run a house, and work 8 hours a day. see how long you last. oh and you can't put the kids in daycare if you really want to understand my situation. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I feel like crap all the time. at least I have tomorrow off. I hate all of this. I never see my husband, I am always cranky, and I cry all the time. this isn't me. this isn't who I am. this isn't who I want to be. only a year, what the fuck!! a year is a long time. it is almost forever in the lives of my kids. I have lost touch with all my friends. I never see anyone, and I feel so disconnected from everything. I hate this! I HATE this!!! I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there is one solution, it will suck but I will do it. I will do all the things I am expected to do as a wife and mother, and I will work, and soon, I will collapse from exhaustion. there just aren't enough hours in the day to do it all. but I will.

please tell me you will come visit me in the hospital...

2 comments:

roo roo said...

I'll come visit you in the hospital! have you gotten the girls on an agreeable sleeping schedule yet so you can actually sleep?

Jedi Master Deba Sing said...

Oh me too! We finally got the truck to the shop today, so I won't be able to do as previously expected and visit this weekend because the guy said it would be like three to four business days until it is done. I really hope it will be soon that I can visit though. I love you sweety! Don't lose hope! I am proud of you and I know it is difficult trying to do anything else when you are a mommy too. I will definitely visit you in the hospital, even if my truck isn't fixed yet. I will get a bus if I have to. I love you!