artmix... it's one of my favorite things about jackson, seriously..... but tonight it was a painful experience. I remember last december's artmix very well. and tonight was drastically different. the fact that this is the first artmix that I have ventured out to with the little ppl alone didn't help.but it felt like there was more going on that my 4 year-old throwing her signature tantrum in public. I saw tons of ppl I know and no one was very friendly. ppl were almost cold toward me. maybe it has to do with where I am right now. maybe I am just reading too much into a situation that truly is the same, only I am different. it's tough to be in this place right now. it's tough to be in any place right now. oh and if you were wondering, we left artmix after only 15 or so mins. I couldn't take the tantrum anymore, or the really negative feelings I was having. I think there are gonna be alot of places that I leave early from now on....

still thinking about how I equate ppl and their actions to God and his actions... not sure where this all started, or how to fix it. in reality I want ppl to be like god. I mean, if ppl were a true reflection of god then god would be way easier to understand, or at least it would be easier to grasp the fact that god is real. I don't know if any of this makes any sense, or if any of this helps me any. it all seems so jumbled in my head right now.

I realized some things today.... I realized that I equate the physical presence of people (especially christians) in my life with the presence of god, and I equate how people respond and react to me with how god responds and reacts. now when ppl are abundantly present in my life and loving on me a ton then this isn't the worst thing. But at times, like right now, when ppl aren't very present, and the ppl that are present are responding in hurtful and negative ways, this becomes a vrey bad thing. I know that ppl aren't perfect, and that no one is going to be able to be present all the time (especially through alot of the shit going on in my life) and I know that god is perfect. but it is tough. I need tangible signs that he is in this with me. something to hold on to. I need him to make his presence known in a big way, and he just isn't that kind of god, at least not right now, for me. it sucks to be in this place, and it hurts more than I could ever explain...

The rules are:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next four sentences on your blog, along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest

so I have a whole stack of books next to me and the one I grabbed might be the nerdiest book I own.... but here it is
"Rosie and Nimrod rubbed their flanks.
Alyosha and Jean-Pierre have lost their luggage.

Singular antecedents joined by or or nor take a pronoun that's also singular.
Neither Nimbus nor Quercus will present his rosebud to the queen." -The Deluxe Transitive Vampire: the ultimate Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed by Karen gordon...

yep. I'm a geek