today.... man....

it was a great day, but I feel like it has been alot longer than just one day. God has been amazing! so fist I went to lunch with the Journey staff. this was a big step. it has alot to do with what happened with the last church, and the fact the I have a huge fear of it happening all over again. but today I got to see the ppl not the positions. it was cool.

then I came home (after making several stops.) got the mail and opened it before getting out of the car. The health insurance cards came, which I knew would mean they $$ would start coming out of hubby's check, which means I need to get a job NOW!!!
So I go inside, and start returning phone calls that had happened while I was out. Called roo to find out that I have a job, starting tomorrow!!!!!!!! how cool is that of God!!!!!!!!! I knew that the thing with roo would happen but I wasn't sure when, and god made it happen in his time. so I will be starting work and it will more than make up for what is taken out for insurance. and I have a great babysitter too!

here is my big girl on her birthday!!!! 

I thought I posted this already....

a couple days ago I ran into a blog that I like.... it had a quote on it that I liked. I took the quote with every intention of making a post on it, but just realized I still haven't so now I am...

the quote....
I believe that our understanding of God is deficient without the contribution of those who have a dependency on Christ that most of us only read about. Yet we write the books on ecclesiology (church), which is ironic since our culture provides us with a context that leaves community as an option, whereas community for them is often a means of survival.
shouldn’t they be invited into dialogues about church since they live what most of us attend? They really know what it means to "share all things in common" (Acts 2), we "sacrifice what we don't need, keep what we want" and then write about community while living in neighborly isolation.


I want what "they" have. I want that community so much. About a year ago I fist saw what really community means, and first realized I didn't have it. Last year I was somewhere with a bunch of ppl I didn't know. something happened and some of those ppl helped me out. they didn't care how it looked to the outside, they didn't care about what ppl where saying... They cared that I was hurting and that they could help. I came home from somewhere and tried to find that here. I couldn't, mostly because we live in neighborly isolation. we talked about community, but we weren't one. we still kept our distance outside of "church", but I don't know why.
With recent life events, conversations about where life is going, and just general 'stuff' I wonder if community really is an option for Christians. We weren't created to be solitary beings. if my life keeps going the way it is community won't be an option for me. I just hope I don't have to move to another country to find it.
I want to be part of a ppl that "share all things in common". I need that. I know God wouldn't put this desire in me if He didn't have a reason. I know that GREAT things are going to be happening soon... I just don't know what all this means right now.


oh... in life news...
my mom is moving to TX tomorrow.
my little girl turned 3.
and the secret is.... we are planning on having another baby, we thought we were pregnant, but it turned out that we weren't, but we will be soon, hopefully. :)

this cute thing is now 3 years old!!!!!!!!!!! 

yep as of yesterday my baby turned 3!!!!!!!!!! time flies...


2months 


1year 


2 years 

there will be 3 year pics soon, I just have to get them onto the computer from the camera. she got tons of stuff and is a happy camper right now!

(oh and just so you know I have been without a computer for 3 days because of a stupid power supply, but thanks to my daddy it is fixed and cost me nothing :) )

update on catlin

well, she is recovering fine. her gums are pretty beat up behind her 4 front teeth on the bottom, but only one tooth is loose. she is having some trouble eating however. looks like she will be on a mashed potatoe diet for a little while. the problem is that whenever she bites into anything it hurts and she cries out "mommy, my teeths hurts!" so that is no fun at all. it looks like she will loose the tooth that is loose fairly soon (long before baby teeth would normally start coming out) probably within the next month it will be out, yay. I can hear the screaming already.

in other news. we got a cake pan today for her birthday cake. it is a 3-D duck. there will be pictures as soon as it is made and decorated. all of which I am doing. yay.

tomorrow is Sunday. it will be a busy day. I am already planning a nap. we have partnership classes (like membership classes at most churches) in the morning, then church tomorrow night. there should be plenty of time for napping as hubby doesn't have to work. YAY!

MY CAR IS FIXED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that is almost all I have accomplished today. I did get to the store to pick this nifty little think up for my littlest one's 3rd birthday! it rocks and she will love it. (almost as much as the toys grandma and grandpa sent her that I have yet to wrap) other than that the day has been uneventful. wait no! I take that back there was almost a catastrophe (maybe I am exagerating a bit but it sure seemed that way at the time) Catlin (the one that is almost 3) fell face first onto the ground and busted her mouth. we think what happened was it moved one of her front teeth on the bottom (as it is way more crooked now) and caused her gums to bleed really bad. most of the bleeding has now stopped, but I don't dare touch the tooth yet to see how loose it really is and if it can be pulled or just needs to stay, because she has fallen asleep and earlier when I touched the tooth she screamed like she was dieing. while I was typing that last sentence she woke up and was in alot of pain. we gave her some tynenol and put some orajel on her mouth. she didn't like it at all but she seems tonot be hurting now. hopefully things will settle down by in the morning as I have things to do that don't involve sitting with a screaming almost 3 yr old on my lap all day long. only time will tell

thoughts....

I've been thinking about alot of stuff lately.

Community- yep thinking about that again. about how I am afraid to get hurt but I feel like I am in a safe place now. When I first went to Journey about a year ago I thought it was comfotable, and so, even if I was in a place to chage churches (I wasn't just ask GOD) I couldn't go there. but now it feels safe. it feels like a place where I can heal. it feels like a place where I can be loved.

vulnerability- this is why we aren't going to the same small group. if I went to the same small group as him then I would not be as vulnerable, or open. I would let him talk while I just sat there nodding in agreement. I don't like to trust ppl unless I know them, or unless I have to trust them. there are some exceptions to this rule, but after the recent 'church' incidents not many of those exceptions are found within churches.

life- my life isn't bad, but it isn't where I thought it would be. I can remember being in highschool and thinking that life would be perfect by now. Little did I know that what I thought was perfect then would never become reality. I do like my life and where I am right now. it has taken alot to get to this place, but I don't think I would trade any of it for the whole world.

I know that I am a weak and messy person, and I know that soon I won't be able to hide that from them. But I feel like it will be met with comfort and love, not condemnation and hate. I just pray that I am not wrong, again.....

it has been a stressful couple of days, so I made a quiz. yeah I suck.
my car isn't very happy. the alternator is dying a slow death. it is gonna be like $300 to fix it, and that is with knowing someone. ugh. but I can drive it during the day if I have to. like tomorrow when I must go get an iron, because ours is dead. yes we killed our iron.
I still have hurricane thoughts tucked away somewhere, and I still have a secret that has yet to be revealed. the secret was put on hold by the hurricane. I didn't forget to tell you. just nothing has really been confirmed yet, and it could be a little bit still. don't worry I won't forget to tell you...

new poetry

As promised

so I told you I would post my thoughts. they seem to be abundent so I will just start at the begining. I didn't right down how I felt at first so I will just type it here.

Sunday night- we decided to go stay with some friends leave monday and come home tuesday if there was anything to come home to. so I started to pack things we would need then I realized that if I were to come home to nothing I would need to take what was important with me. so I packed up all my poetry, some books that are hard to find, and my pictures. then I went to bed.

monday morning- finished packing clothes, some more stuff I couldn't live without, mostly stuff my grandma gave me, stuff time wanted, and a few toys for the girls. then left out not knowing what I would come back to in 24 hours but fearing it would be nothing at all.
it was raining and so windy on the drive over. I had my dog in the front seat and the kids in the back. and everything I hold precious to me in life behind them. it was a long 14 miles.
finally go there, got unloaded and there was no power. all I could think was that it was going to be a long day. thankfully the hurricane cooled things off a bit so it wasn't balzing hot.

that was pretty much it til that night....

(here is where the paper journal picks up.)

The power has been out for 10 hours and counting. Katrina messed up life. Things you take for granted like ice and water are now reason for fights. Power, you think it is bad that you have to wait a few days til your AC is fixed? It would be weeks til we have electricity. We do have phone lines still but cell phones aren't working. Food. did you eat a nice dinner cooked on your electric stove? WE did get hot food today. we finally got the grill started (in wind gusts up to 90 mph) and had burgers, instant potatoes, and texas toast. So I guess I can't complain. we played some cards and made shadow puppets to pass the time. We should be able to get out and drive around tomorrow, but they aren't promising power for at least a week. we won't know about our house til tomorrow, when we can drive over there. I am praying it will still be there and in one piece. I am so thankful for all the ppl that are praying for us. I know God hears you. at one point the eye was heading straight for us, only about 60 miles from us. but it didn't make it here. it turned and went East, completely bypassing us. I totally know it was because god heard our pleas. Now we need to pray for the ppl on the coast. they will be cleaning up there lives for a while. Sitting here in the candle light listening to the radio it all seems so surreal. Did this rally happen today? Was it all a dream?how long is life going to be this way? I just heard that in rural areas it could be 3 wks til they get power. the whole city is black, most of the state. Over 50 deaths in one county alone. the roads are disasters, trees and power lines all over the place.
But God has been gracious to us today. We haven't been hurt, we have been with friends, and we have had a good day. hopefully life will be back to normal in a day or so, but I don't know if life will ever be back to normal again. 700,000 ppl are without power. that is alot of ppl. some ppl aren't going to be able to stay in their homes without power. and tomorrow the sun is going to come out, and it will be hot. Almost the entire state has been wrecked, and we are under a cerfew til 8am. nothing will be known til then.

there is more, but I can't type it right now. it will be coming soon.

overwhelmed

still no time to post hurricane thoughts, but they are written down and will be coming at some point in the future. at this point more ppl in the Jackson metro area don't have power than do. went down to the red cross and signed up to volunteer today. they need lots of help. more shelters still opening up. they are saying ppl could be in shelters for months. it is going to be a long time before things are normal.
DONATE time, moeny, blood... whatever you can do, do it.