thoughts....

I've been thinking about alot of stuff lately.

Community- yep thinking about that again. about how I am afraid to get hurt but I feel like I am in a safe place now. When I first went to Journey about a year ago I thought it was comfotable, and so, even if I was in a place to chage churches (I wasn't just ask GOD) I couldn't go there. but now it feels safe. it feels like a place where I can heal. it feels like a place where I can be loved.

vulnerability- this is why we aren't going to the same small group. if I went to the same small group as him then I would not be as vulnerable, or open. I would let him talk while I just sat there nodding in agreement. I don't like to trust ppl unless I know them, or unless I have to trust them. there are some exceptions to this rule, but after the recent 'church' incidents not many of those exceptions are found within churches.

life- my life isn't bad, but it isn't where I thought it would be. I can remember being in highschool and thinking that life would be perfect by now. Little did I know that what I thought was perfect then would never become reality. I do like my life and where I am right now. it has taken alot to get to this place, but I don't think I would trade any of it for the whole world.

I know that I am a weak and messy person, and I know that soon I won't be able to hide that from them. But I feel like it will be met with comfort and love, not condemnation and hate. I just pray that I am not wrong, again.....