Sunday, November 12, 2006
I can't stop crying, and I can't stop thinking that this is the worst thing I have ever done. It is easy to make myself believe that things will be better when it is just me that is hurting. but it isn't just me. The girls now realize this is a permanent situation. tonight they hated me because we don't live with daddy anymore. they want to live with daddy. they don't want anything to do with me. now I am here, sitting in the silence, trying to figure out what the hell I could have done to make my marriage work so they wouldn't have to go through this, so I wouldn't have to go through this. I can't keep doing this. and everything is so not ok. I feel like I have been crawling over glass for the past 7 months and every time I get to a place where I am out of the glass and the cuts are starting to heal I have to crawl through it again. I have too many wounds already, too many scars. and it seems like when I am hurting the most people don't want to be around me, but that is when I need them the most. I just wish someone would sit and hold me and allow me to cry. I don't get that though. instead I get a bunch of ppl that try to minimalize things.