longing....

I sit her broken hearted tonight. I realize that I don't have community, and I long so desperatly for it. the church I am at currently meets once a week for a couple of hours and we don't even talk the rest of the time... we aren't acessible to each other, and we only let the others see what we want them to see. I saw something that resembled community tonight. People intentionally getting to know each other, the real ppl not just the facade. I want that!!! I long for that so greatly. I am crushed by the realization that I have no clue where to start. I feel like I have had that before, but now I am just doing church, not being church. Church shouldn't be something I just do once a week for a couple of hours. I need something else, something more. I desire community, and I thought this new situation would help, bur so far it hasn't. maybe I have not given it enough time. maybe I am not doing my part. maybe.... I don't know.. I am torn over what to so... I am sad, and hurtting...