I should say something

I was going to write something yesterday, but then I decided that what I had to say wasn't as important as I thought at the time. We are broke, but that is begining to feel like the normal thing. I think that once we get to the other side of this I will not use the term broke so losely. I mean we are really BROKE now. I don't know why ppl say they are broke when they have $$ to buy things they don't need, but I did it to. I am going to try not to do it anymore. now that I have seen really broke I understand.
I am also sick, but can't go to the dr. no insurance and all that crap. I told mom that if my fever happened to get up above 100 I would go to the ER. I hope that doesn't occur, but if it does I will know that it is time to go, even if we can't pay for it. I don't want this to turn into something bad, which I am afraid it might be getting there, because I have felt crappy for the better part of 2 weeks now. and this is one of those things that doesn't just get better on its own with time. Thankfully it is also not one of those things that can be given to other ppl because life still must go on, no matter how crappy I feel. today was by far the worst. I laid around all day wanting to die. but then mom brought me some medicine when she got off work and it has made me feel a bit better.
so tomorrow I think I will stop by roo's house for the party, but I will obly stay for a bit as I have to go to a family thing on sunday and must be up early in the am. I wouldn't go but mom gave me gas money and said that I need to be there. so I am going.
other than that life in general is kinda crappy. I feel like most everything I have done for the past few years has been wrong, and not alot of ppl are helping the situation. I keep thinking "if I had just..." then things wouldn't be this way now. I know that everything happens for a reason, but I feel like most of it is my fault.
ok now I am just rambleing so I think I will go to bed now, after taking some more medicine that is....