the more time that passes, the worse things get...

The title line has little to do with the current mess I find my self in the middle of. well, ok it does have something to do with it because everything has something to do with it, but in recent days I've become painfully aware of how huge a part of my present my past is. small things, my attitude toward people, and how I interact in everyday life. All of it has so much to do with all the things that happened to me-- things I did to myself, and things others did. thing I never allowed myself to heal from. and now all those wounds have started to open again. All that pain is new and real. how can things that happened half a lifetime ago still have so much power over me, such an effect on who I am and how I live? and how can it still hurt so much, all made new by stupid things. I thought I was done with this. I guess things like this are things you are never really done with though.