Wednesday, October 04, 2006

small group and other random thoughts

so the way we do small groups at our church is done to follow the school calander, we do a semester at a time. this semester has been difficult for me. not real sure why (ok maybe that is a lie, but that's another story for another post) The thing is I just can't find a place that I really feel like I connect with ppl and the little ppl aren't causeing me stress. so I have been going back and forth, not really having a small group 'home' so to speak. this adds to tension that already exists in my life, and makes me feel even more alone. is there no safe place? anyway, tonight is small group night and I plan on going to a small group (even though I am exhausted and close to the end of myself) because I really need a forum to discuss some stuff going on and try to figure out how to live some things that only seem like theories right now. unfortunatly this conversation could come across as me just being pissed (Yep that is where I tend to find myself alot these days) or trying to start trouble. so the decision about which small group to go to has to be made very carefully. and as I sit here it occurs to me that maybe this shouldn't be this hard. maybe I just over anylize things too much, and I am making something out of nothing. all this could be ture, but it feels important.
All that on top of the fact that I feel like a really big failure right now. it's all just confusing and it hurts alot

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the note on my site. In a weird way, it's good to know we're not alone in our struggles and grief. The thing that's kept me going is all the love from friends - YMX and here at home. I've definitely thought about you a lot as you've gone through this mess, and you are in my prayers girl.