Saturday, December 17, 2005

sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it, only to find out that it is worth so much more....

I have great friends. all the ppl in my life are so amazing. thank you all for what you do, for what you have done, and for what I am sure you will do in the future. It all means the world to me. but thank you most of all for loving me, even when I am in the middle of not loving myself.

so there is alot going on, but most of it is internal and doesn't make much sense to me right now. I have amazing friends, great kids, a wonderful husband.... but I feel alone, and hurt. I don't know why. I am sure it is somthng I have created. I have alot to do today, but instead I am here. trying to figure out what is going on, and why. the house is a wreck, but I think it is just an outward reflection of my heart right now. it has been a long and rough week. I have seen the love of God in ppl like never before, but at the same time I feel so far from that place. I feel like I am so worthless. I know this isn't true, but that is how I feel. I just need to find a way to tranlate the knowledge from my head to my heart. I hear all the words ppl say, and they all sound so good, but it doesn't help.

No comments: