This week has been a roller coaster. some really good things have happened and in an attempt to share my joy, not just my pain, I am going to post a few of those really good things...
-reconnected with a friend that I haven't heard from in months. It is good to have this person in my life, good for both of us....
-I've been really supported by some unlikely ppl this week, one's that have been in the background for most of this ordeal, but have stepped up this week an shown they cared
-got to working on the plan, not just planing it (more to come on this in the near future)
-started believing God may like me just a little bit.
-Felt things (good things) that I haven't felt in a while
-haven't cut in 2 days now

ok, so right now that is all the good stuff I can think of. oh wait one more thing...Found out that I have gone down 3 pants sizes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (2 in the last month)

so tomorrow I will be taking a road trip to TX... still not sure how I feel about it. I am going alone, so it is going to be long, but I think it will be good. it will give me time to work some stuff out that is running around in my head. I never thought that I would be dealing with some of the thoughts, feelings, issues, ect. that I am right now. it makes everything harder. and God still seems pretty darn far away, and that makes it tough too. but I think I am moving in the right direction. That direction being toward Him and His love. nights like tonight make me feel like He might really love me. and it is the little things that make it feel like that, like conversations with friends and pink furry hats, and hamster key chains. that is where I am finding God's love these days...