Sunday, May 28, 2006


so it was a long exhausting day yesterday, but I did have 11 hours in a car, half of it completely alone, the other half with just the little ppl, so I had alot of time to think. I started thinking about relationships I'm in and the fact that I will always be in relationships with ppl no matter how much I don't want to be. I know there are a couple relationships in my life that need to be redefined (or maybe defined for the first time) so that there are no misunderstandings (ok so there will always be misunderstandings but there will be less this way) and so that we bot (or all) know where we are coming from and going. There need to be bounderies in some of my relationships that currently have none. For the most part all of this seems like normal life stuff to everyone else, but right now it is a huge deal. Over the past year I have lost every close friend I had with the exception of 1 and I think that is mostly due to lack of bounderies and deffinition. I miss those relationships alot sometimes, but other times I know that this is how things have to be. I don't want to make those same mistakes again though. I want to keep the ppl that are currently in my life. I don't want to lose them because we failed to do something that most ppl do naturally. I think my largest problem is that right now I am pretty relationally retarded. it will take time and practice learning how to be in functioning relationships with ppl, and I will probably lose more relationships before it gets better, but I have no doubt that it will get better

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