today was lazy (when your in survival mode most days feel lazy) I didn't sleep well last night. so I slept off and on all day, mostly in one hour increments waking up due to random bad/weird dreams that seemed too real. sat on the back porch for a long time watching the birds and having random conversation with K. then we went to eat. K's bday is tomorrow and so we ate birthday dinner. I couldn't let her eat birthday dinner alone. it was a good time. we talked about relationships and the mess that we call life. I am so very glad she is in my life. Like I told her, I don't think I am doing amazingly well because of me, but mostly because of the amazing ppl in my life. thankfully there is lots of support. there are also lots of unsupportive ppl. sometimes it becomes hard to tell the truth from all the lies. thankfully today is not one of those days.
right now I feel like this whole situation might me the direct result of me praying that God would allow me to see what true community is, how it looks, and how it functions in the midst of the disfunction of life. This really isn't what I had in mind when I asked for that. I didn't mean for my life to fall apart.