lots of talk about love lately. i have been hanging out with a cool group of ppl on wed. nights and we have been talking about 1 & 2 john, and this week we will do 3 john, and it is largely about love. god's love for us, and our love for each other. I have a really hard time figuring out what love looks like. I mean, it seems simple, the whole "if someone is hungry feed them, if someone is thirsty give them a drink" thing. But how do we love ppl who don't have physical needs, and how do we love ppl when everything in us disagrees with what they are doing. it is easy to love ppl we approve of.
I haven't had alot of good examples of love in my life. Love has always felt like something i had to gain by doing something, acting a certain way, following the rules. Only just recently do i feel like i have really experienced love without conditions, and it is hard for me to grasp that i will continue to be loved even when my life is shitty.
I guess i just struggle with love on alot of levels. I desire so greatly to feel loved, to know i am loved, but so often i refuse to allow ppl to love me. I don't really know how to fix that right now.