just thinking outloud....

I really wish I knew what to do, what to say.... I feel like anything I say or do will come across as being selfish, or trying to make myself look good... I know that I am a crappy person... I know that I am not as good as the other choice, but hey, at least I am honest.... I guess there is such a thing as too much honesty though... I have too many problems to be effective... is that it... am I too messy? is there such a thing at too messy, and if so where is the line... maybe it is okay to be messy, as long as no one else knows... they are all messy, but they try to hide it... by the way I am still angry but it is slowly going away... God has a plan, I just have to trust Him... sometimes I get really sad over all this... I just hope that some day they will be able to get past whatever it is that makes them like this... I pray they will have a change of heart... I hope they will listen to what God is saying... in a few years this is all going to be just a memory that has made me stronger, but right now in the middle of it all it really sucks... I do hope that what they are doing is going to make a difference... I honestly hope they are doing the righ thing... i just hate the situation, I know what the kids have said (yes, I know the kids say alot of things), and I also know that they trust me... how does he plan on earning their trust... Preaching to them for an hour once a week isn't going to help him out... I hope he has a plan... I know that he is working closly with A so hopefully A can prepare him for wht is going to happen... I wonder how he would have dealt with his car getting keyed 5 times in just 3 months? we would have reacted like a little kid.... he would have gotten angry and quit....I wonder what he would do if someone called him at 11pm and needed to talk... would he get out of bed, drive to their house, sit in the cold, and talk to them; or would he tell them he has to sleep? If he is prepared to be there, then go ahead, but if he thinks this is a one hour a week thing, he is in for a shock.... I will be there when he joins the majority and gives up on them... I will pick up those peices too... and then it will start all over again....