I think maybe i really am bipolar... maybe all those therapist where smarter than I thought... but I thought I could handle it... I'm not so sure anymore... all this crap just hit me tonight... Roo thinks I need to see someone... she didn't say that out right, but I know that is what she thinks... I miss my friends... I know I have friends here, now... but there are people that I wish were here that aren't... I was so happy at some point tonight and now I am crying... how did I get this way??? I just don't know that i can deal with all this right now... not with all the other crap that is going on... I just want to be okay... but I don't even know what that would consist of right now... I wish things were still easy... I wish that I had been smart enough to know what I was supposed to be doing 5 years ago instead of just messing up so much... I am never going to be able to do all the things I am dreaming of now... I don't have the aility anymore... my oppurtunity has passed me by... What am I going to do now... I want to do what I love, but no one has enough faith in me to let me do it, or at least no one here... i am just a mom, without a real job, that doesn't even have a degree.... How could I possibly know what I am talking about... You have to go to college and have a real job for that... I don't understand.... I just don't get it... Why can't they just trust me... I know that I am going to screw up, but so do they... That is part of living... but I guess I just screw up more, and worse than them... I will never be good enough for them... maybe they are right....
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